Before you start
No two divorces look the same. Yours may be amicable and simple, or contested and complicated, and it may involve children, a house, a business or none of these. Use this list as a map: skip what doesn't apply, and expect to come back to it over months.
Two principles help in almost every case. First, stay organized: keep one folder, physical or digital, for every document, agreement and receipt. Second, keep decisions as calm as you can. The more you and your spouse can agree on, the less the process usually costs in money, time and stress, for you and for any children.
About this checklist: general information for the United States, written by Vik Chadha from public government sources linked below. It isn't legal, tax or financial advice, and divorce law, including how property and support are divided, varies a great deal by state. If you are in danger, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Last updated November 8, 2026.
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Preparing
Before you file
The decisions you make before anyone files shape everything that follows. The goal now is to understand your finances, protect yourself and your children, and get good advice, without escalating the conflict.
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If you or your children are in danger, that comes before any paperwork. Call 911 in an emergency. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788) can help you make a safety plan, including how to leave safely.
Collect copies of the last few years of tax returns, recent pay stubs, bank, credit card, investment and retirement statements, mortgage and loan documents, insurance policies, and any prenuptial agreement. Store copies somewhere your spouse can't access.
Make a list of assets (home, vehicles, accounts, retirement plans, business interests, valuables) and debts (mortgage, car loans, credit cards, student loans), noting whose name each is in and roughly what it is worth.
Pull your free reports from all three credit bureaus to see every account in your name, including any you didn't know about. This becomes your checklist of joint debts to deal with.
Open a bank account and, if you don't have one, a credit card in your name alone so you have access to money and credit of your own. Don't empty joint accounts or hide money: courts take a dim view of that, and it can hurt you later.
Work out what it will cost you to live on your own: housing, utilities, insurance, childcare, transportation and debt payments. You'll need these numbers to negotiate support and to decide whether keeping the house is realistic.
Even if you hope for a friendly divorce, an initial consultation helps you understand your rights in your state. Many state bar associations run lawyer referral services, and legal aid organizations help people with low incomes.
Options include an uncontested divorce where you agree on everything, mediation with a neutral mediator, collaborative divorce where both lawyers commit to settling, and traditional litigation. Less conflict usually means less cost and less stress for everyone, especially children.
Change passwords on your email, phone, and financial and social accounts, and check for shared location tracking or devices logged into your accounts. Be careful what you post: messages and social media can end up as evidence.
Filing to settlement
During the divorce
Once a case is filed, the work is about disclosing finances, reaching agreements, and keeping daily life as stable as you can, particularly for children.
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One spouse files a petition and the other is served. States set residency requirements and often a waiting period before a divorce can be final. If you're served, note the deadline to respond. Missing it can mean decisions get made without you.
Courts can set temporary arrangements for custody, child support, spousal support, and who stays in the home while the case is pending. Ask your attorney whether you need them.
Both spouses usually must disclose income, assets and debts in writing. Be complete and accurate. Hidden assets that come to light later can reopen a settlement and lead to penalties.
If you can, tell your children together, with a simple, age-appropriate explanation that it isn't their fault. Don't ask them to choose sides or carry messages. Keep routines, school and activities as steady as possible.
A parenting plan covers where the children live, the schedule for each parent, holidays, decision-making about school and health care, and how you will communicate. Courts decide based on the best interests of the child, and an agreed plan usually works better than one imposed.
States divide marital property either as community property (generally split equally) or by equitable distribution (divided fairly, which is not always equally). Property you owned before marriage or inherited may be treated separately. Decide what happens to the house: sell it, one spouse buys the other out, or refinance.
Child support is usually calculated with a state formula based on income and parenting time. Spousal support (alimony) varies much more by state and situation. Get the amount, duration and payment method written into the agreement.
Splitting a 401(k) or pension usually requires a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO), a court order the plan must approve. Done correctly, the transfer avoids early-withdrawal penalties. IRAs are divided by a transfer described in the divorce decree. Don't cash out first.
The first few months
After the divorce is final
A signed decree doesn't finish the job. Many of the most expensive problems after a divorce come from accounts and paperwork that were never updated.
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You will need them to change your name, refinance, transfer titles, divide retirement accounts and update benefits. Keep one with your important papers.
A divorce decree assigns debts between spouses, but it doesn't bind lenders. If your name is still on a joint loan or card and your ex stops paying, the lender can come after you. Close joint cards, and refinance loans into one name.
Record a new deed if the house goes to one spouse, and retitle vehicles and accounts as the decree requires. Make sure the QDRO is submitted to each retirement plan and processed.
Change beneficiaries on life insurance, retirement accounts and bank accounts. Some state laws revoke an ex-spouse automatically, but not for every type of account, so don't rely on it. Update your will, health care proxy and financial power of attorney too.
If you were covered through your spouse's employer plan, divorce is a qualifying event: you can usually continue that coverage through COBRA for up to 36 months, but you must notify the plan within 60 days. Losing coverage because of a divorce also lets you enroll in a marketplace plan outside open enrollment.
Update Social Security first, then your driver's license, passport, bank accounts, employer and credit cards. Each will ask for your certified divorce decree.
Your filing status depends on whether you're married on December 31, so the year you divorce affects your return. Update your W-4 with your employer. For divorces finalized after 2018, alimony is not deductible by the payer or taxable to the recipient on federal returns, and child support never is. Agree in writing who claims the children.
If your marriage lasted 10 years or more and you haven't remarried, you may be able to collect Social Security benefits based on your ex-spouse's work record once you reach 62. It doesn't reduce your ex's benefit.
Divorce is a loss, even when it's the right decision, and grief, anger and relief can all show up at once. A counselor, a support group, or trusted friends can help. If you're in crisis, call or text 988.
Documents to gather in one place
Your attorney or mediator will ask for most of these early on. Having them ready saves time, and time usually means money:
- Marriage certificate and any prenuptial or postnuptial agreement
- The last several years of tax returns and recent pay stubs
- Statements for bank, credit card, brokerage and retirement accounts
- Mortgage statements, the deed, and property tax bills
- Vehicle titles and loan documents
- Life, health, home and auto insurance policies
- Business records, if either spouse owns a business
- A list of monthly household expenses
- Children's school, medical and activity schedules
If you have children
Children usually cope best when their parents keep conflict away from them, keep routines steady, and reassure them, often more than once, that the divorce is not their fault and that both parents still love them. Talk to them in language that fits their age, and expect questions to come back over time.
Many courts require divorcing parents to take a short parenting class, and many communities offer support groups for children of divorce. Your children's school counselor or pediatrician can point you to local resources.
Frequently asked questions
What is the first thing I should do if I want a divorce?
Make sure you and your children are safe, then quietly gather copies of your financial documents and talk to a family law attorney in your state about your rights and options. Avoid big financial moves, such as emptying joint accounts, until you have advice.
What documents do I need for a divorce?
Usually: several years of tax returns, recent pay stubs, bank, credit card, investment and retirement statements, mortgage and loan documents, insurance policies, vehicle titles, any prenuptial agreement, and your marriage certificate. A list of assets and debts, and whose name each is in, will save time.
How long does a divorce take?
It depends on your state and on how much you and your spouse agree. Many states have a mandatory waiting period before a divorce can be finalized. Uncontested divorces can move relatively quickly, while contested cases involving custody or complex finances can take a year or longer.
Do I need a lawyer to get divorced?
Not always. Some couples with simple finances and no disagreements handle an uncontested divorce themselves or with a mediator. But even then, a consultation with a family law attorney can help you avoid mistakes, especially with retirement accounts, the house, and support.
What happens to joint debt after a divorce?
The divorce decree decides which spouse is responsible for each debt, but lenders aren't bound by it. If your name stays on a joint account and your ex doesn't pay, the lender can still pursue you and your credit can suffer. Close joint cards and refinance shared loans into one name.
Can I keep my health insurance after a divorce?
If you were on your spouse's employer plan, you can usually continue it through COBRA for up to 36 months, though you pay the full premium. You must notify the plan within 60 days of the divorce. Losing coverage because of a divorce also qualifies you for a special enrollment period on the health insurance marketplace.
Is this legal advice?
No. This checklist is general information for the United States, and divorce law varies a lot by state. For decisions about property, support, custody or retirement accounts, talk to a family law attorney or financial professional in your state.
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